Some Things I Have Been Thinking About.

If you know me at all, you will know that I am a follower of Christ. And I am proud of it. I am not ashamed of the Gospel. And yet...the past year has been exceptionally difficult for me. I dealt with many things that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. And in the midst of it all, I am ashamed to say that instead of growing closer to God, I fell away. I stopped praying, I stopped reading the Word, and I even began to doubt God's existence. I was NEVER an atheist, and I never doubted God to the point of rejecting Him.

Or had I?

I mean...God is supposed to be my anchor. The one I cling to in the storm. And I know, I KNOW that He will get me through anything. So what had happened? Was it because of school? I was very busy. Was it because I was dealing with so much? Because I was. Was it all of these things? Of course I would tell my best friend that over and over. I had told him that my faith was weak because of all the terrible things I was having to go through. I was trying to convince myself more so than him. Honestly...it should never have mattered what I was going through. I should never have lost sight of who was holding me in the dark. Who was giving me shelter against the storm under His wings. Yet..why had I focused on the storm rather than on the loving grip He had me in? He was whispering to me that everything was ok. Yet here I was...kicking and screaming about the rain and wind in my face. I was wondering why I was getting wet and tossed by the sea..when all I had to do was step back and see that He had me all along. I was crying out to my best friend that things were so hard...he did his absolute best to understand, but how could he? He understood that his Father also had him in His arms. Sometimes we just need to stop focusing on the storm, and focus on the one who has us in His grip whispering to us the whole time that everything is going to be ok. Everything is going to be ok. 

God is our refuge and strength,
   an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
   and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
 though its waters roar and foam
   and the mountains quake with their surging.
                         Selah

 The LORD Almighty is with us;
   the God of Jacob is our fortress.
                         Selah

  “Be still, and know that I am God;
   I will be exalted among the nations,
   I will be exalted in the earth.”   The LORD Almighty is with us;
   the God of Jacob is our fortress.
                         Selah

-From Psalm 46

 It took me several months until I came to my senses. When I did, I broke down in tears and cried for a good 15 minutes. Sometimes tears are the best healers. After I came to this realization, I was ready to move forward. And that is where I am now. Moving forward. I know that He has me. That everything will be ok. There may be a storm going on around me, but God is in control. And I have no excuse for falling away again. In 1 Corinthians 10, Paul writes and says so beautifully that "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." [1 Corinthians 10:13] So according to this, I now have no excuse. Whatever life throws at me, I know that I will be able to overcome it. I am no longer a slave to sin or this world. And if I fall, it is because of my own weakness. But I know that if I do, that Jesus will be right there, waiting for me to come back to Him again. 

Hide me now, 

Under your wings. 

Cover me 

Within Your mighty hands.
 

When the oceans rise and thunders roar, 

I will soar with You, above the storm! 

Father, You are king over the flood. 

I will be still and know You are God!
 

Find rest my soul, in Christ alone. 

Know His power, in quietness and trust.